Dear Friends,
I have a little bowl of stones and shells on my bedside table. I know that they came to me, one by one, from almost every place I’ve been and moments I’ve shared with loved ones and colleagues. But I couldn’t tell you where each individual stone came from.
Sometimes that’s also true with things that that I have learned. I know something came to me from someone else, but I can’t remember where or who. So, I’m not sure who I first heard say “Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be in relationship?”
Even though I don’t know where it’s from, this question has been so important to me as I’ve built relationships, learned how to be a leader, and worked toward change. It asks me to set down my certainty in favor of listening. It reminds me that making a snarky point on social media is less important that building connection.
We are often quick, especially those of us with power and privilege, quick to jump in to make a point, to share our certain opinion or take on things. This behavior is all over social media, but we experience it in our in person interactions as well: in our families, in our communities.
It has been incredibly helpful and healing for me to hold this in my head as I move through interactions. “Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be in relationship?”
I’ll invite us all to remember this as we go on with the life of our congregation, as we do the work of change and transformation, as we do the work of connection and healing, as we enjoy each other’s company and companionship. It’s a key part of what are calling “right relations” because it centers relationship over certainty.
I don’t know where the quote came from and I don’t know where all my stones came from. But I do know that Ijeoma Oluo, author of So You Want to Talk About Race, wrote this earlier this week when talking about people’s response to a public incident:
“Part of being in relationship with people is recognizing and respecting boundaries. Part of being in relationship with people is listening to them. Part of being in relationship with people is trying to not take more than you give. Part of being in relationship with people is by respecting and appreciating people’s individual talents, experiences, and needs.”
May we remember this every day.
In peace and love
Rev. Ian
Minister’s Message Recent Posts
Bread not Stone: Together in Love
Dear ones,
As you read this we are heading toward Election Day on November 5. Though we know (and fear) that we won’t know for sure the results of the election on that day, it will certainly be a moment of great change in our political and social lives.
I know that many of you carry anxiety and fear and anger and disbelief at the state of our political and social lives. I do as well. And I am reminded strongly in times like these why we come together in community. To care for each other. To share our fears and anxieties so that we can feel heard and seen and so that we can see and hear those we care for. To share our joys and hopes so that we can strengthen and enliven our individual and collective possibilities.
Bread not Stone: The Past and the Future
Dear ones,
An ad was placed in The Desert Sun in October of 1959 that asked readers “Are you a Unitarian and don’t know it?” It was placed by the Rev. Ray Manker, from Riverside. And then on the evening of Wednesday, October 19, 1959, a diverse collection of people—a few humanists, liberals, and at least one person who was already Unitarian—gathered for the first time at the Palm Springs Chamber of Commerce office.
Since then, this community has grown and thrived, through struggle and wandering in the desert, through ministers coming and going, through dreaming and hard work. And here we are, 65 years later, stronger than ever!
Bread not Stone: Crafting Relationships/Coming Together
Dear ones,
Our theme for the month of September is Nurturing Sustainable Relationships. As we live into our value of Interdependence we commit to create and nurture sustainable relationships of care and respect, mutuality and justice.
As this month goes along I’ll invite you to ponder and consider your closest relationships and your more casual relationships. How do you choose to nurture these relationships? Do you pay active attention to how they’re going? Do you check in with your partner, your friends, your acquaintances and figure out together how to make your relationship stronger, richer, and more sustaining?
Bread not Stone: A Year of Covenant and Celebration
Dear ones,
As we settle into the deep heat of the summer the life of the congregation quiets a little and gives us some brain space to ponder the year ahead.
2024-2025 is a double anniversary year for the congregation. In October we’ll be celebrating our congregation’s 65th anniversary. And in late March of 2025, we will have been in our own church building for 20 years. What a year! What joy it is to celebrate our past and envision what the future can be. In the early months of the fall, we’ll be engaging in conversation and discernment together as we seek to reimagine the vision and mission of our beloved community. Keep your ears and eyes out and I hope you’ll jump into those conversations with intention and commitment.
Bread not Stone: Transformation
This month in worship and in our chalice circles, we are exploring the. Last of the values expressed in the UUA’s proposed new description of our central values: Transformation. This value is shared with these words:
Transformation. We adapt to the changing world. We covenant to collectively transform and grow spiritually and ethically. Openness to change is fundamental to our Unitarian and Universalist heritages, never complete and never perfect.
Bread not Stone: Envisioning the Future
Hello Friends,
And the wheel of the year turns and December becomes January and a new year begins. In some ways it’s an arbitrary shift—a flip of a page in a calendar. But so many of us see this shift as an opportunity to imagine new possibilities in the year ahead.
Dear ones, in many ways, the life of the congregation continues: we worship together, we learn together, we raise the money we need to help our beloved community thrive, we grapple with the painful realities of the world and how we can understand and make change, and we engage in the work of moving ourselves and the world toward justice, kindness, and love.
Bread not Stone: Minister’s Message
This is the time of year when the days get shorter and shorter and the night gets longer and longer. When it feels like we live more in darkness than we do in light. And so the festivals and celebrations of this time are all about light: the light of candles, the...
Bread Not Stone: Pluralism
This month we continue our exploration of the values that unite and inspire us as Unitarian Universalists. A reminder that individuals and congregations across the Unitarian Universalist Association are exploring these values in preparation for deciding on adopting new language in our UUA bylaws that express our shared values and covenants with each other. We’ll be sharing conversation and reflection together, including in our Chalice Circles each month.
For November, we’ll be looking at Pluralism.
Bread Not Stone: Interdependence
Hello friends,
This month we begin our exploration of the values that unite and inspire us as Unitarian Universalists. A reminder that individuals and congregations across the Unitarian Universalist Association are exploring these values in preparation for deciding on adopting new language in our UUA bylaws that express our shared values and covenants with each other. We’ll be sharing conversation and reflection together, including in our Chalice Circles each month.
For October, we’ll be looking at Interdependence.
Bread Not Stone: How Can We Help?
Hello friends,
We see in the news so many stories about hardship and abuse of immigrants and refugees and those seeking asylum in our country. It’s often difficult to know how we can help.
A small group in our congregation has been meeting and having some conversations about ways in which we can help and have an impact on the situations of people in our valley and area.
And we want to explore ways our congregation and its members can help in more ways, especially with people experiencing struggles with our immigration and asylum systems.