Dear Friends,
I have a little bowl of stones and shells on my bedside table. I know that they came to me, one by one, from almost every place I’ve been and moments I’ve shared with loved ones and colleagues. But I couldn’t tell you where each individual stone came from.
Sometimes that’s also true with things that that I have learned. I know something came to me from someone else, but I can’t remember where or who. So, I’m not sure who I first heard say “Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be in relationship?”
Even though I don’t know where it’s from, this question has been so important to me as I’ve built relationships, learned how to be a leader, and worked toward change. It asks me to set down my certainty in favor of listening. It reminds me that making a snarky point on social media is less important that building connection.
We are often quick, especially those of us with power and privilege, quick to jump in to make a point, to share our certain opinion or take on things. This behavior is all over social media, but we experience it in our in person interactions as well: in our families, in our communities.
It has been incredibly helpful and healing for me to hold this in my head as I move through interactions. “Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be in relationship?”
I’ll invite us all to remember this as we go on with the life of our congregation, as we do the work of change and transformation, as we do the work of connection and healing, as we enjoy each other’s company and companionship. It’s a key part of what are calling “right relations” because it centers relationship over certainty.
I don’t know where the quote came from and I don’t know where all my stones came from. But I do know that Ijeoma Oluo, author of So You Want to Talk About Race, wrote this earlier this week when talking about people’s response to a public incident:
“Part of being in relationship with people is recognizing and respecting boundaries. Part of being in relationship with people is listening to them. Part of being in relationship with people is trying to not take more than you give. Part of being in relationship with people is by respecting and appreciating people’s individual talents, experiences, and needs.”
May we remember this every day.
In peace and love
Rev. Ian
Minister’s Message Recent Posts
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Transformation. We adapt to the changing world. We covenant to collectively transform and grow spiritually and ethically. Openness to change is fundamental to our Unitarian and Universalist heritages, never complete and never perfect.
Bread not Stone: Envisioning the Future
Hello Friends,
And the wheel of the year turns and December becomes January and a new year begins. In some ways it’s an arbitrary shift—a flip of a page in a calendar. But so many of us see this shift as an opportunity to imagine new possibilities in the year ahead.
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This is the time of year when the days get shorter and shorter and the night gets longer and longer. When it feels like we live more in darkness than we do in light. And so the festivals and celebrations of this time are all about light: the light of candles, the...
Bread Not Stone: Pluralism
This month we continue our exploration of the values that unite and inspire us as Unitarian Universalists. A reminder that individuals and congregations across the Unitarian Universalist Association are exploring these values in preparation for deciding on adopting new language in our UUA bylaws that express our shared values and covenants with each other. We’ll be sharing conversation and reflection together, including in our Chalice Circles each month.
For November, we’ll be looking at Pluralism.
Bread Not Stone: Interdependence
Hello friends,
This month we begin our exploration of the values that unite and inspire us as Unitarian Universalists. A reminder that individuals and congregations across the Unitarian Universalist Association are exploring these values in preparation for deciding on adopting new language in our UUA bylaws that express our shared values and covenants with each other. We’ll be sharing conversation and reflection together, including in our Chalice Circles each month.
For October, we’ll be looking at Interdependence.
Bread Not Stone: How Can We Help?
Hello friends,
We see in the news so many stories about hardship and abuse of immigrants and refugees and those seeking asylum in our country. It’s often difficult to know how we can help.
A small group in our congregation has been meeting and having some conversations about ways in which we can help and have an impact on the situations of people in our valley and area.
And we want to explore ways our congregation and its members can help in more ways, especially with people experiencing struggles with our immigration and asylum systems.
Bread not Stone: Pondering the Principles
Hello friends,
It is such a full time for us in our congregation. We’re kicking off our pledge drive to plan for next year’s budget. We’re working to create new possibilities for moving from contract ministry to settled ministry. We are beginning to read and explore Mistakes and Miracles together as a congregational read.
And there’s lost happening in our larger movement as well, including exploring how we describe and envision our faith tradition through Article II of the bylaws of the Unitarian Universalist Association.
If you don’t know, Article II of the UUA bylaws contain the formal statement of our UU Principles and Purposes: saying what the purpose of our association is, what are the principles around which we live our faith out in the world, and what the sources and inspiration are for that work and that faith….
Bread not Stone: We hear you. We love you. You are not alone.
The past weeks in our country have shaken many of us to the core. The revelations of the congressional hearings, continued gun violence, the attacks on trans youth and their families, and the Supreme Court’s removal of the protection of the rights of women and many trans folks to control their own bodies and choose how and if they want to bring life into the world.
I’ve heard from so many of you about the fear and anger and confusion that you are feeling—and your fierce call to act to bring change, to ensure health and fairness for all, to help the most vulnerable among us to access the health care they need to keep themselves and their families safe.
Bread not Stone: Everyone is Connected to Something
In her novel Akata Woman, Nnedi Okorafor writes, “Everyone is connected to something. Connection brings you benefits, but it also makes you responsible.” It is a reminder to one of the characters that she is responsible for the health and safety of her community.
How do we respond to the pain and anxiety and violence in the world around us?
My friends,
As I sit to write this column for you there are bombs and deadly artillery falling on the people of Ukraine, there are children and families in Texas and Florida whose governments are telling them that their love and very existence is wrong and abusive and abhorrent, and there are still thousands and thousands of people sick and dying in our communities and around the world—dying from disease, but also from a lack of care and love and commitment to health for all.