Coming up for Air

A Message from the Board President

Have you ever learned something significant about yourself unexpectedly? Has a personal insight ever suddenly awakened you in some way?

The other evening, I was catching up with a friend. She asked me what I’d been doing since the last time we spoke, and I mentioned seeing a new psychotherapist, reading some books, volunteering at the animal shelter and for the church, learning a lot in my new practice area at work, taking a cruise vacation, listening to podcasts for the first time, and keeping up with longtime daily workouts and meditative practices. We were recounting similarities, and I described myself as a productive person who “goes, goes, goes,” “does, does, does,” and “checks all the boxes.” My fitness tracker tells me that I get more than 100,000 steps a week; the default setting for typical users is 70,000. To say that I keep myself busy is probably an understatement.

It occurred to me in the call with my friend that this is no longer how I wish to be.

When I’m confronted with what I perceive to be an area of improvement for myself, I try to remember an idea that, for me, a song once captured. In Yoko Ono’s 1995 album, she wrote a song called Revelations in which she sang in pertinent part:

“Bless you for your anger; it’s a sign of rising energy;

Bless you for your sorrow; it’s a sign of vulnerability;

Bless you for your greed; it’s a sign of great capacity;

Bless you for your jealousy; it’s a sign of empathy;

Bless you for your fear; it’s a sign of wisdom.”

When I find an aspect of myself lacking and negative self-talk wants to judge harshly for it, trying to think about the corresponding positive side of that aspect helps to quell the unwanted imaginary critic hanging out on my shoulder. Like Ms. Ono said, anger can be passion; sadness can be emotional connection; want can be industry; etc.

In the moment of emotional intimacy with my friend, a light bulb went off in my head. Ambition has served me well in life. How does a disadvantaged child go from few prospects to prosperity? How does one reach the pinnacle of their career? Ambition—maybe productivity by another name—helps a great deal.

Yet this lovely chat with an old friend helped me to see that ambition too has its negative side. When one is constantly doing or producing, it’s easy to neglect the inner self, alienate teammates, and miss life’s intangible wonders.

For instance, during the cruise my husband and I recently took, one evening I stepped outside our stateroom onto the balcony and witnessed this sunset:

Then, after working out in the ship’s gym one morning, I noticed that we were coming ashore to Santa Catalina Island. The shoulder critic had me anticipating that inclement weather was going to ruin our time there, but look what I saw upon stopping on the ship’s deck outside the gym:

Had ambition gotten the better of me in these two moments, I might have been more concerned with making the next activity or meal (of which there was absolutely no shortage) rather than taking in priceless opportunities that truly nourished my soul.

Connecticut writer Robert Brault said, “Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were big things.”

Here’s to slowing down, tuning out negative distractions, and appreciating the beauty that surrounds us if only we stop to look. In a word, breathe.

—Bob Rancourt