Family Connections and Seeing that You Can’t Go Home Again
Thomas C. Wolfe (1900 – 1938), who once said he wrote a book to forget it, was a North Carolinian originator of the autobiographical fiction genre and is credited with coining the term “you can’t go home again.”
Awaiting the connecting flight to North Carolina, I go to my publications folder for inspiration and look back at another time I wrote an article I never, but might have, submitted for publication. Truly, we have so little time, and I’m too ambitious.
At that time, I was travelling back home again with mom’s ashes “on my arm,” as I had written. I stop reading and close the file because I start crying. Those really were her last days, when I’d just started dating Reuben, who made the trek with me. I discovered too late that writing is an outlet. Should I make it, perhaps this is something to do in retirement.
Incredulous and delighted at being an early bird, I literally smelled the roses Reuben gave me the other day in the morning dark. His father’s son, Max, the now elderly dog we rescued, stayed in bed as Harris, the new stray dog I collected off the street the morning after the last national election, jumped on my lap for the family ride to the airport. My husband reminded: “You’re going to get frustrated; try to be patient.”
Basking in the day’s beginning, the lead flight attendant, Angelica, greeted the passenger in front of me “you might get to have a neighbor today,” adding “it’s only a 37-minute flight.” I couldn’t contain “I love your attitude” after being mad at myself for having to dispose of some toiletries at security. I remember waking up late the morning of 9/11 and leaving private practice shortly afterward.
After the equivalent of a legal brief, I had ended an earlier e-mail to my cousins: “Time is precious. Let’s spend it wisely, hopefully together.” These days, I’m crying a lot, as I reminded them that my disconnected nuclear family died many, many years ago.
Now, Uncle Maurice is dying. In fact, he and I are grateful that I was able to drop everything and take a flight the day after I told him that I will be in the area tomorrow. I will, however, miss my family.
Sunday is a big day for all sorts of families. This one, I get to take my uncle to the Catholic Church near him. I have three days, two of which are business, that I get to spend loving and helping him as the only lawyer in the family can—and shall. His nearby nuclear family frustrates me, but I need to see gratitude.
I remember the lovingly written card that he gave to me in 1997. I remember that he and one of his daughters spent money they didn’t and still don’t have to come to my law school graduation. Acting for my suddenly deceased 54-year-old father (his younger brother), Uncle Maurice saw that he needed to go. I remember that he once let me borrow his old car during another trip back home that I too couldn’t afford. My newly divorced and stubborn mother needed a lot of help from her teenage son. I’m grateful to see that today I ask for help
I am thrilled that he will be competent. I am relieved that I get to go to church with him, no doubt thinking of my own church family back home.
Today, his is not my church. But I love the values my church tries to teach me. I can’t wait to go with Uncle Maurice and surprise him with the cousin with whom I will share my hotel room. I see that this cousin has always been a younger substitute brother of my real nuclear family. I am proud of him.
Can you imagine the joy I felt when I came to realize that Uncle Louie and his three kids are going back home again soon too, once they heard from my “younger brother” that I am? This is my nuclear family. Aunt Carol, my surrogate mother and Uncle Louie’s long-lost divorcée, goes in for surgery on Monday. I am grateful that I caught up with her the other day.
By the time you read this, 15 new church family members will have been inducted, a newish member agreed to cover a volunteer task for me so I could go, and any number of church officers will have happily agreed to appear for me. They love me too, and I will miss being able to participate in the service. At least I got to see and sign the certificates. Thanks to my office colleagues who love me too, missing work is no problem. Hopefully I don’t work too much as I’m away.
It seems I’m a religious person. For that and many other things, today I count the blessings.
The lost toiletries are a barely tiny inconvenience. Angelica is a kindred spirit. Another flight attendant tried to instruct passengers too busy on their devices what to do in the case of an evacuation, something I now take seriously. At 5:20 a.m., she asked “What’s my name?” From a nearby row, only I responded “Thai.” We’d already connected. She smiled at me and said: “You ain’t even in one of the [emergency] rows and you’re paying attention.”
Today, Uncle Maurice is alive. Tomorrow, I should be able to take him to church, and I happily pay the small price of missing the church I get to help lead.
I look out the window and see the sunrise. The brilliant hues of orange, red, and amber struck me. I ask myself “how did I get here?”
The answer, Bob, I must remind myself, is what a retired mentor once told me: “You’re a survivor, Bob.” I’m proud of myself and definitely still grateful.
Someone else once taught me the power of gratitude. The other day, I got to write in my journal:
I see that Henry David Thoreau was connected to my religion.
It’s 6:34 a.m. and we just landed safely. Angelica and Thai smiled warmly as I bid them a great day. Without really knowing one another, we’re connected.
I’m now in the connecting flight’s terminal, and too soon I’m having to try to tune out the lack of gratitude around me. Already, though, I’ve stumbled upon some wonderfully helpful airport staff. Lucky me, I’m telling myself.
Unfortunately, I get to write only a few more of these columns. How did I get here?
The answer, Bob, is there on your altar: Connection, self-development, and helping others. The present really is a gift.
President’s Message Recent Posts
January 2026 Message from the Board President
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A Message from the Board President: Meeting the Moment
On a hike a few weeks ago I came across at strange creature that looked like half a moth at one end and nondescript at the other. Dr. Cameron Barrows explained the fascinating story to me.
When a moth emerges from the cocoon its wings are folded up and soggy. It quickly pumps hemolymph (insect blood) into the veins of the wings, blowing them up like a balloon. The wings dry in a few hours and then another magical process occurs: several chemical changes sclerotize the wings, cross-linking the proteins into a rigid matrix.
What does that have to do with the creature I saw? The poor guy didn’t get out of the cocoon fast enough. His wings hardened half way out and he died.
And what does that have to do with UUCOD? The world around us has changed. The rise of hate, bigotry, and authoritarianism is alarming. And, like the pupae, when the world changes we have to act.
Many in our congregation already act individually: volunteering for Street Medicine or at Galilee Center or other places, writing postcards, and so much more. And we have collective action like marching at rallies, food and formula and socks collections, Laundry Love, Share The Plate, and more.
But can we make a bigger impact? We propose to Meet the Moment by focusing hyper-locally to reduce harm caused by our federal government to the local immigrant community. We are meeting with front-line organizations, discussing their needs and our capabilities, to see how we can help and follow their lead.
It involves some soul searching – are we disrupters willing to put our bodies on the line, or would we prefer to generously help fund relief organizations from a safe distance, or something in between? In fact, Rev Ian is leading a class, Social Change Now, which is helping participants understand the roles in which they shine. (If you didn’t enroll in this series, do sign up for the next one.)
Stay tuned as we discern what it means for UUCOD to Meet this Moment, collectively, to reduce harm to local immigrant communities. We cannot be like the poor Sphinx moth. We must act, and once we start we need to sustain our bold actions.
~ Rod Belshee, UUCOD Board President
Introducing our New President, Rod Belshee
It occurs to me that many of you joined the church recently (yay!) so I thought I’d use this message to introduce myself.
Actually this is a thinly veiled attempt to get you to share your stories! Now that most of you are in the Breeze Directory, did you know that you can share your story? Much like the snippets that new members share in the newsletter when they join, everyone can share a couple of paragraphs on whatever they consider meaningful in their lives.
So here’s My Story, clipped from Breeze. It just includes tidbits – to learn more let’s talk, and you can share your story too.
My first sixty years were in Portland Oregon, raising two sons and working in the tech industry. In 2002-2003, Fran and I took two years to backpack around the world, mostly in Asia, shifting to a more spiritual and cultural focus, including studying Buddhism. Then I took up long distance hiking (over 10,000 miles so far) and became a naturalist. I feel most at home when outdoors (I even sleep outside on the deck). I have always been a volunteer somewhere, earlier in Boy Scouts and now at UUCOD.
While I live in the forest of Idyllwild, my community is UUCOD. I started attending UUCOD in 2014 and have served in a number of positions. I like to improve things, so have led the efforts to add solar, the Sacred Grounds, the A/V and streaming system, and other stuff. I find purpose and community in helping out.
What is your Story? Log into Breeze, click on My Profile, click on My Story and start typing. As more folks add their stories we can learn more about each other.
Coming up for Air
A Message from the Board President Have you ever learned something significant about yourself unexpectedly? Has a personal insight ever suddenly awakened you in some way? The other evening, I was catching up with a friend. She asked me what I’d been doing since the...
The Dog Days of December
"The decisions—to volunteer at the shelter and to keep rather than turn in a stray dog— have been some of the better decisions of the year. Working with, caring for, and simply loving and petting these dogs got me out of the troubles of the day" Perhaps the morning...
The Hustle and Bustle of Church
Have you noticed the uptick in attendance? Wasn’t it nice catching up with everyone and celebrating our 65th birthday? Did you see all the prospective new Members taking their orientation classes? Are you looking forward to representing UUCOD at the 39th annual Greater Palm Springs LGTBQ Pride Parade and cutting loose at the annual service auction in the next couple weeks?
This time of year always seems to bring the hustle and bustle of church.
Let the New Church Year Begin
It’s the end of September, snow birds are returning, church seats are filling up, groups are re-assembling, and the new church year begins. The new Board—constituted by two new Members and one re-elected Member—has now met twice and taken some actions of which to be aware.
Look at how full the church calendar already is! One occasion of which to take note is our 65th birthday on October 13. The first Church Council follows on October 19, and then November brings the Pride Parade on the 3rd and our annual service auction on November 8 and 9. New Members are celebrated on November 17
General Assembly 2024 Is in the Books
From June 20–23, more than 3,400 Unitarian Universalists from around the country and world gathered and attended this year’s all-virtual UUA General Assembly, GA is the annual gathering of UUs, where, in addition to conducting official business of the UUA, they join in community, explore the faith’s theological underpinnings, and emphasize the UUA’s mission, values, and principles. GA 2024 had 2,757 credentialed delegates from 734 congregations in fifty states; Washington, D.C.; Canada; the U.S. Virgin Islands; Mexico, France, and the Philippines. Five UUCOD leaders represented the church: Rev. Riddell; Walter Gendell; Linda Savard; Jane Zaun; and me. This year’s theme was “Love Unites, Stories Ignite,” meant to celebrate the profound impact of love as a binding force that transcends boundaries and divisions.
Open to Change
In some climates, where seasons change, “April showers bring May flowers.” Reportedly, April, the name of the month, originally takes its name from the verb “to open,” as in the season when flowers and trees begin to open. Perhaps it’s no surprise then that April brings Earth Day, on the 22nd.
As we usher in the opening season, are we open to change? Do we encourage enough spiritual growth? Have you transformed lately? Do you value transformation? Rev. Riddell will be asking us to consider transformation this month in his Sunday messages:
President’s Message: Along This Yellow Brick Road of Life
One nice part of the holiday season is the re-airing of classic films associated with the holidays. From Miracle on 34th Street, It’s A Wonderful Life, and Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer, to Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas and Elf, these feel-good motion pictures can stir warm memories and remind us of our family, friends, and the hope and love in life.
Another one that popped up the other day is the all-time great The Wizard of Oz, the “most seen film in movie history.” It’s rich in many themes, but perhaps the transformation of the scarecrow, tin man, and lion is most prescient as we trudge along this yellow brick road of life.